Not many people know about my first serious relationship. I brush it off and call it a “bad relationship” without really talking much more about it. But I feel the need to explain the situation that I found myself in only to hopefully help someone else.
I was 18 when I started dating a boy. He was going into his junior year at a prestigious private college in SC. Our families were friends and we had flirted all throughout highschool. The timing was finally right and we decided to give a relationship a shot. That first summer started out perfect, he looked at me in ways I had never been looked at. He made me feel like I was the most important thing in the world to him. He made me feel special. This was love I thought to myself.
Soon the fights began. Over silly things like me going to a bachelorette party. He got mad at me for going to a coworkers house for the party. Said that it was trashy and more or less called me a slut for participating in such a thing. I ended up crying at the party and had to have someone take me home early. He told me he didn’t want me to go to the beach with him anymore and then he wouldn’t answer my phone calls. All because I went to a party that he didn’t agree with.
The next day he apologized, bought me something nice, and told me it wouldn’t happen again.
It did. Over and over and over. To the point where I would do nothing but go to class, go to work, come home, and Skype with him. He had my class schedule written down and tacked up to his bulletin board in his room. He knew where I was at all times. If I didn’t text him enough I got yelled at. If I text him too much I got yelled at.
Eventually I stopped spending time with any other guys because his jealousy scared me. I was in tears every other night. I would come to his school whenever he asked, sometimes even skipping class to go, because in his mind he was more important than my education
Through everything, I still came back to him. My greatest fear in life was losing him. No one else would ever want to be with me. I was a stupid girl after all. I was lucky to have him. He showered me with expensive gifts and he still made me feel special. After all, he was only acting this way because he loved me so much.
I wasn’t allowed to wear make-up. I was expected to wear the style of clothing that he felt was appropriate.
Months into the relationship-countless nights of sleep lost, and hundreds of dollars later (I spent way too much money on him trying to show my commitment and love)- he broke up with me. The following day, he was with a girl from his school.
I was devastated. It took me at least 6 months to recover and feel the slightest bit whole again.
Looking back, I feel that he finally ended things because I was beginning to stand up for myself. Making decisions against his will, and telling him “no.” I never would have ended things. I couldn’t, I loved him, and I was manipulated into thinking that he loved me.
Abusive relationships never start out that way. It is hard to see that you are in one because you are blinded by the lies and manipulation. You completely lose yourself and it takes so much to come back from that.
Ladies, please understand your worth. Know that you are worthy of unconditional love.